“Cause oh, All I ever do is think about you baby, I hold you in my arms inside my dreams, And I know what I know and what I know is, That no matter where you go, You will always think of me” Jill Scott
I watched “for colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf” this weekend. It was everything and more than the critics proclaimed it to be. The cast captivated your attention from opening to ending credits. I was glad I went to see it.
In the movie Loretta Devine’s character announces something so profound: My Love is too BEAUTIFUL to be thrown back in my face. In kind each character describes their love. Though not part of the cast, I am a colored girl whose love has been cast aside and returned to sender. In tribute to an awesome movie… I will describe my love:
My love is too BEAUTIFUL to be thrown back in my face….
From shy looks under hooded lids to second glances across crowded and hazy taverns: I noticed you before the very scent of my perfume augmented your irises. The moment your image nudged every rational thought and cynical conviction from my brain, disconnecting neurons warning a fragile heart from danger and reconnecting with a lustful and lonely spirit, unbalanced by the search. The moment I looked up and realized that I wanted you— my love became beautiful… but you already voided the check of my riches written so delicately with your initials.
My love is too SELFLESS…
One murky over-indulgent glance and I’m prepared to ignore my independence for your authority; deny the powers of proprium to cook you Coq au Vin using the layers of my exoskeleton as your protein and the noble blood that I drained for hours from my fingertips to be the opulent base to satisfy your senses. I want nothing more than to please you; nurture you; seek to the depths and heal the hurts that harden your heart to my affections. I ask nothing in return for the urns piling around your feet as I kill parts of my ego to be what you lack. I echo the commands programmed by your nimble fingers in my memory chip— that too you soon tire of and forget to reload as I reboot.
My love is too GIVING…and yet it still lays at your feet.
For every one of your closed mouth kisses I drown you in urgent and wet laps from my ardent tongue. No warm embrace or open invitation are you denied from my tawny limbs as they stretch multitudinously for your entrance… and exit. I am Earth orbiting continuously, tiredlessly, vulnerably around your galaxy, merely requesting a few hours of sunlight each day to sustain the life encouraged by your brief sketch over my canvas. My axis never tilts away, my orbit never switches direction– I follow the pattern cartographed, never deviating from the tolken route. And yet you still demand more planets exist in your galaxy. Pluto, far off and virtually unknown, in the end is worth more of your engrossment than the perfect harmony we created without measurement of time.
My love is ENDLESS…
The hive construted in the only tree of a stark, desolate wasteland lures me infallibly, like a sailors siren song, back to your multislotted honeycomb. Every return is to a new location with other bee’s belongings littering my cubby hole. And yet my love never ceases or hesitates. Each reunion is the first encounter; the first glimpse spanning generations, transcending human theory; occuring eons before the aboriginal rendezvous of Sun to Moon. I would be your Jack— climbing beanstock after beanstock, hoping to uncover the secret treasures of the clouds… trailblazing a path hidden by the Giants who crush, maim, and plunder; ignoring the wonders they overlook and can no longer describe.
My love is EXQUISITE…
I would love you with a passion that surpasses understanding, twinkles like stardust hidden by moonbeams, stregthens with an enamel no fire can melt, heals better than any portion or elixir; uplifts higher than Superman’s cape. I’d walk with you on unlined streets with shady trees and scattered magnolia blossoms. I’d love you with a love more Beautiful than words, more Selfless than saints, more Giving than all charities combined, more Endless than eternity, and more exquisite than you could imagine…
If only you’d stop throwing it back in my face.