“This bed Is too lonely without you (Baby) Don’t wanna hold my pillow, I wanna hold you Please be beside me These king size sheets Need more than just a queen In between ‘em This bed Is too lonely without you So why don’t we Go inside where we can be together? You mean more than anything Stay with me Wanna be with you forever” Alicia Keys
Should couples live together before marriage?
Recently, I’ve been addicted to reading debates by author’s on this site hellium.com. Sometimes it’s hard to come up with topics that extend beyond my surroundings. Even more, I feel stagnant in my journey right now. Things are hectic: work, singledom, church, sorority, friends. It all seems like a pre-planned reality t.v. show where I know the storyline and the drama. At times it’s nice to just breathe by having a conversation outside of my zone of comfort.
*inhale*… living together before marriage. Breakdown: living with a man, a man who I’m (hopefully) in love with, living in the same house day-in/day-out, sharing the same bed, BEFORE marriage.
*ponders* The short answer, the impetuous side of me, the spontaneity that decides my actions before I’ve considered the entire spectrum of possibilities says HELL YES!
*little dance* This would give me the opportunity to play house, to spend all the time in the world with “mi amore”, to wake up to him, to lay down beside him, to embrace the moment.
*cough* Key word here is “play” house. I’m the wife, you’re the husband… but it’s only a game. We each have predetermined roles based on gender and societal norms… traced from the moment Tarzan met Jane. Here I am playing June Cleaver: dedicated to the needs of my husband and family; my interests are that of a perfect lady: cooking, needlepoint, the poor. You’ll never see me with a hair out-of-place; my presentation is perfectly coiffed and delicately made-up. My life solely revolves around you and your concerns, because after all this is pretense and my assumed occupation is homemaker.
*poof* When the bricks of air pull me down and force me to wake up, my heavy-laden feet break the fragile egg-shells. Ideally, I want to be the perfect wife, homemaker, beauty-queen, lover, friend, confident, etc to my husband… not just my boyfriend or even fiance.
*sigh* As cliché as it may sound, I want the security of a ring, of vows made before God, of finally becoming a three-strand cord, of personally and privately dedicating our lives to one another. I want us to learn to be individually responsible for our individual household, finances, futures before we cleave eternally to a lifetime of shared burdens.
*blink* Even more, I want the surprise. The surprise of knowing what your breath smells like in the morning… the surprise of your restlessness as you sleep next to me… the instruction of teaching you how to wash dishes my way ((laughs))… the intrigue of coming home to YOU cooking dinner… the suspicion of where you hid the gifts during the holidays… the excitement of hearing the door chime and the gush of wind as you enter the house; the house we started in together and made a home.
*giggles* too much? Yea, the last line was a little chick-flick-ish. But the truth is, I want to know you well enough to envision my life with you; but I would prefer to grow in love and togetherness, making our way through the wilderness of those first few years without past-precedence.
*exhale* For the long answer (as previously described), I would not live with someone before getting married. If we are willing enough to even make an expensive-ring decision, then we are mature enough to wait 6-12 months before completing pre-orientation and starting the everlasting commitment of joining our lives together.