“I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue, I’d go crawling down the avenue. No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do, to make you feel my love…I could make you happy, make your dreams come true, nothing that I wouldn’t do. Go to the ends, of the Earth for you, to make you feel my love. To make you feel my love.” Adele
In the last week I’ve read three blogs centering in part on Lil Wayne’s “How to Love” video. In all regards, the posts were well-written, the idea of love concise and thought provoking, and based on the comments the words rang true for the readers.
A lot of the discussion was tailored to how we give love, which in essence is what we can control. But I’d like to know past to present how people have felt the love that I’ve given out. I think I’ve adequately described my love several times in my blog but I’ve never asked in all of my heartache if the love I professed to give was adequately felt. I can continue to wallow in the pain believing I did everything in my ability to make you feel my love, but until I ask you directly about your thoughts on my expression, I’ll never really know.
This could be a 5 love languages discussion at heart: me trying to interpret your primary and secondary receptions through the time we spent. I may have even pointedly asked you and saved myself the guessing game. That doesn’t mean that with all my research and investigation you were able to closely interpret my desire to feed your hunger.
Reading VSB, Panama stated something so profound: “Without a paradigm on how to show affection and express love, it’s virtually impossible to know what constitutes actual caring.” I’d like to think that I know how to love someone, but I can’t be sure, you know? I try always to give the best of myself, but how do I know if I succeeded? Am I doing what Panama stated and “running after some elusive version of what love and happiness looks like, without even realizing that it actually is?” I’d like to have a nice coffee-shop discussion with the last two and understand what I did wrong and what I did right. I’d like to be graded effectively with professional development type feedback so that the next time I submit my love-resume to fill a vacancy, I look like the all-star who can fill the position.
I wonder if I’m just too full of oxytocin. Maybe my body produces and releases this emotional glue which binds me to someone else in disproportionate amounts; meaning that like a magnet I’m repelling the ion charged in the same way. On SMB, Most stated “The thing that intrigues me about this scientific approach to defining love is that because all of these feelings we have are caused by our bodies release of specific hormones, the love we feel for others is essentially uncontrollable.” I told myself over and over again, I’m not going to feel anything for this boy. And when I started I tried to nip the relationship in the thorny-threaded bud, but I couldn’t contain the desire to be around him, so I yielded. Until the last time.
Until I realized that I can’t domesticate a wolf, lonesome hunters cleave to their routine. And now I’m in the canoe floating downstream, by myself. Grrr
But I’d like to know from yours, and yours, and your lips… did you ever feel my love?