Auld Lang Syne

My first (and only) New Year’s resolution for 2010 was to start a blog. So in the midst of procrastinating, I’m starting my blog at 2:48 am Tokyo time, on January 2nd. All signs have pointed North, dear readers, for the formation of this blog. You could even say that I’m jumping on the band-wagon, a late bloomer of sorts. How many of my peers have started blogs? How many have actually maintained them? How many have I actually read? Do I even plan to be different?

Honestly the only answer that I have for these questions is that I am doing this for me. It’s my first step in self-discovery. I’ve spent too many of years of my life under a rock, hidden amidst the shadows, doubting the very speck of my existence. So I sit here now using a communal computer with a foreign keyboard that constantly changes from English to some form of Japanese script, hoping the time doesn’t run out on my internet service as I switch between Wikipedia, Dictionary.com, and WordPress. Top 40 US jams blare over the loud-speaker, none of the songs resembling the one in my head Auld Lang Syne.

Many years I’ve sung this song at midnight while kissing the cheeks of my companions, drinking sparkling cider (and more recently Champagne), and laughing over the stupid mistakes of the prior year. I’ve resolved to finally take the song to heart. After reading the book Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner I realized that her words couldn’t be more true or coincide any sharper than with that of the song.  “I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you” (p. 369-70).  Auld Lang Syne  (the poem and the song), examines the fact that life happens. But you’re reaction to the curve-balls of life are your own. Whether it be love, family drama, self-discovery, work, society, etc we all have issues.

I am the poster child for issues, some that I didn’t even know I had, some that keep popping out of the snow like forlorn daisies. I feel like one of those Xanex commercials: Do you have abandonment issues? (check) Can you sometimes not stand your family? (check), Do you wish the world catered to your ego instead of bruised it constantly? (check, check) Are you secretly afraid you have no purpose and your life has no meaning? (PLEASE give me a prescription!) I’m not alone in having a turbulent childhood/adolescence, but it’s time to get over it. It’s time to realize my potential. In truth, it’s time to let go, which essentially is the purpose of this blog.

I kissed and hugged gorgeous people at midnight, half-way across the world, on a tiny island where I only knew my cousin. As we passed the 2nd or 3rd glass of champagne, I woke up. I counted my blessings, and I realized that I’m amazing (and for the first time I actually believed). For the next 364 days I am going to be me: good, bad, flirtatious, lonely, outgoing, generous, mean-spirited, sad, funny, random ME!  For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne, we’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

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