Make ‘Em Laugh

 Be an actor my son, but be a comical one. They’ll be standing in line, for those old honky tonk monkeyshines!

Everyone wants to laugh. I love the line from Funny Girl where Barbara Streisand says: “yes but it was my joke you see? They laughed with me, not at me. Because I wanted them to laugh”. I never really learned the value of self-abjected humor until I was in high school. I learned that if I made the joke first, and I made them laugh, then they weren’t laughing at me. I could beat people to the punch better than anyone. I turned so many devastating and heart wrenching stories into a comical incident with abstract characters that you didn’t realize I was talking about myself until hours later when you tried to relive why the joke was funny. “because when the laugh is over, the joke’s on you”.

“The moment you’re out there on that stage nothing bothers you, you’re the strongest women in the world” (Funny Girl) Have you ever noticed that you play the part for so long, you actually believe you’re the character? I can’t even remember who I am. I’m just trying to figure it out. How do you break the mold and just reveal your true self? I’m a great martyr. I mean I could make Martin Luther (the Lutheran, not the Jr.) look like a selfish bastard. I’m so used to being invisible, that it’s easy to be self-less. Who sees me? Not even my family.

I don’t think I’ve been truthful with anyone. I never communicate my true self with anyone. I think I’m closest with my cousin TTFN (she hates that nickname), Tabby, Bubba, and my sisters… but even they only get half stories. Because there are some things that you just can’t make funny.

Like how do you make someone laugh about suicide? I mean I used to take belts and cinch them around my neck until I passed out. Or cutting myself to see blood? That’s really not that funny. It’s actually really sick. I miss Sarah. She was such a good influence on me. She made me swear that I would stop, and when she became my friend I did (well at least I slowed down). I remember her and I on Atkins together. I got so sick. I mean that’s a serious starvation diet. I almost died, I fainted way too much on that diet. Thank God for Weight Watchers lol.

I’m not as funny as I used to be. I mean I thought I was hysterical. Now my jokes are just a little flat. Unless they’re jokes that someone else told me… I’m a frayed knot… hahaha.

I’m glad I learned to laugh though. Like a real laugh. I never laughed in high school, but now I the simplest thing can set me off, and I love it. Who cares that I snort when I laugh… I think it’s attractive.

I’m so much better than I was before, but I’m not yet where I want to be. I’m on the right street though, thanks to my GPS (God Provided Security).

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