“Boy I hear you in my dreams. Feel your whisper across the sea. I keep you with me in my heart. You make it easier when life gets hard.” Colbie Calliat

  So it’s Monday night, which normally means the gym and then church. Well I skipped the gym thinking that I would go home and take a nap, instead I went home and watched Drop Dead Diva. Suddenly it seems that I’m so busy on Sunday night’s that I have to watch DDD on On Demand. Well I was watching Season 2 Episode 8 entitled “Love Conquers All”, and falling in love all over. Deb was upset over people only seeing her as Jane since she’s in Jane’s body; but her mannerisms, her fashion sense, her personality (aside from the momentary smart-freeze) are all Deb. Even worse she tries so hard for Grayson to see the Deb in Jane and realize that the love they share can conquer all.

It brought me back to Episode 5 Season 1 when Deb/Jane sing “Lucky”, which was Grayson and Deb’s song. I cried that episode. It exemplified the journey towards proving your love, fighting for your love, and trying to get the guy you like to like you back.

Even more the entire struggle chronologised in the show is like mini-ministry for me. I often feel like I’m struggling for the outside world to see the real me. To see the me that I see inside and have that image reflected back. Instead I’m more likely to confront a stark contrast to my mirror-me.  I frequently hear that I’m too big, I’m too loud, I laugh too loudly, I snort, I’m too nice, I’m not nice enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m too young, etc… I really could take up a whole blog post with all these phrases. In order to combat these unflattering images I diet, I work out, I hide my true self, I stay quiet, I act ignorant, I embarrass myself publicly and act like it doesn’t bother me. With all these controlling tendencies, is it a wonder that I struggle with contentment?

In general, I’m very happy with myself. I’m finally starting to reach a place where I’m comfortable in my own skin and I like myself… no wait LOVE myself.  And as odd as it may seem, I commiserate with this onscreen starlet more than anyone else when it comes to this issue. In truth, she’s the reason why I changed my wardrobe. Honestly, she makes plus-size look good! (And C is my Stacey!)

At any rate, the sermon at church augmented my feelings of self-satisfaction.

The sermon was all about Biblical Womanhood: The Qualities of a Godly Woman, which is a caveat of the It’s Complicated Series. There are two things that woman battle with the most in their walk with Christ: Contentment and Control.

Contentment: Woman often compare with other people, other woman especially. We see what others have and we believe that what they have makes them happy, and so we strive towards what they have in order to have that same level of fulfillment. And yet, in terms of Christ, true contentment can only happen when we have little to no control over our circumstances.

Pastor P asked four questions: 1) Are you content with the way God made you? (Umm that would be no… I could stand to lose about 50 pounds, my shoulders are too wide, I hate my feet, I wish my hair would perform on command, I desire a HUGE butt) 2) Are you content in your current circumstances? (Negative… I want to go back to school, I want to be out of debt, I want a job that I love going to everyday, I want a life of excitement and travel, I want to own my own home, I want a dog) 3) Are you content with your background? (No again… ask how many of my friends have met my parents… enough said). 4) Are you content with your relationship status? (Most DEFINITELY not… I’m wifey material. I’m past regular wifey, I should be a trophy I’m so bloody good. If I can humbly say so)

A true life of contentment applies despite and in spite of our circumstances. Too often we allow our circumstances to dictate our contentment; therefore we feel we must control our circumstances. BINGO! What did she win Alec? A life of unhappiness.

Authentic spiritual contentment is the “ability to accept yourself as you are, where you are, who you are, and with what you have. Remembering that God on his time/ schedule is working on you, through you, and for your perfection”. Thank you Jesus!

Contentment can only be found through experiences; experiences that shake your foundation and force you to give up control to God. 

WOW! I mean Jesus literally came down from his throne on the right side of his Father to bring this message to me at the right time. I love God. I mean if I would just let myself be happy and stop wishing for tomorrow… imagine the power I would have? I would have a type of spiritual strength that allows be to respond Biblically to my circumstances.

New prayer: Be thankful for what has been given and not resentful for what we think we’re missing.

2nd continued prayer: That my family would come to Christ and know this kind of eternal peace that only God in his trinity can provide. I want them to feel what I’m feeling… I want them to know how wonderful it is to have enveloping arms hugging you constantly. I want them to know the relief that I feel that all of my sins are washed away with each sunrise, each day is new.

I praise you Jehovah Jireh… I praise your name Jehovah Eloheenu. Thank you for picking me.

P.S. Pics of the new loving me attitude:


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