Something Good

“For here you are, standing there, loving me; Whether or not you should; So somewhere in my youth or childhood; I must have done something good”

I often think about loving someone and being loved in return. I imagine the million-and-one things that I would do to show him how much I love him and cherish him.

All of these thoughts left me to one conclusion… when I love, I love like a madwoman. I have the all-consuming desire to be everything to my mate. I want to be his exclusive confidant, his lover and closest friend, to tend to his most intimate need… To join my life with his in every significant and mundane way. I dream of a man whose force will match my own; who will passionately love me…chase after me…challenge me… and overtake me.

All these emotions, romantic ideas, and unrealistic fantasies have led me to write a letter to my (future) husband.

*Side Note*: I started this post in June, clearly it’s September… my how things change.  I feel this way and I don’t at the same time. I used to innately feel that there was someone out there for me, and I had only to be patient for his arrival. I’ve stopped feeling like that. It’s a little desperate how I feel suddenly. As if the act of looking is the only glimmer of true love that I have to look forward to. So instead of my misbegotten letter, I have a song for my (maybe) husband– Daydreamer by Adele

“Daydreamer sitting on the seat, soaking up the sun. He is a real lover, of making up the past and feeling up his girl like he’s never felt a figure before”

I love a man who tells a good story; who doesn’t mind sitting around just shooting the breeze talking about nothing and everything. I know we say that we don’t like men that remind us of our Dad’s, but my Dad tells great stories. He just tells a story that makes you laugh from beginning to end. A sense of humor and a great presence in a conversation… that’s so sexy! Looks fade, bodies change, but someone’s personality? Their charisma, their sense of self, their confidence… if it’s inherent, it’s there for life. He has a strong grip on reality: lives without drama and without games.

And he’s affectionate. I’m a VERY affectionate person. I love to touch. I desire to have my existence manifested in tiny displays and covert looks announcing my attachment. I think one of my favorite sensations is when you’re standing up doing something/looking at something/ thinkings and your man comes up and wraps his arms around your waist and you can lean your head back into his shoulder. That moment is priceless.

“A Jaw Dropper, looks good when he walks. He’s the subject of their talks. He would be hard to chase, but good to  catch and he could change the world with his hands behind his back”

It would be nice if LovaBee started out handsome. Not gorgeously gorgeous, but a rugged kind of handsome that takes an appreciative eye to notice. He’s the envy of stares because of his charm, his self-assured walk, and his regal bearing as he faces the world head-on. Not shy and yet not gregarious. A quiet authority that makes people sit up and pay attention. But this man is hard to find… worth the chase… but most definitely hard to find. I also think he’s the type not looking for love (if there is such a thing). Deep seated affections are the surprise of a lifetime for him, because his mind is focused on bigger things… like saving the world. A lot of women care about the money, cars, clothes, and job. I could care less! I’ve lived without so much in my life that I doubt living with would make me happy. I just want to be stable enough not to have to count my pennies everyday. And I want to be that way independent of a man FIRST. I don’t really care about his job. Does he go to work every day and serve God in his spare time? Then he’s probably good with me (umm see the afore-mentioned criteria). My Dad’s driven trucks and done other odd end jobs his entire life, but he and I have those most astoundingly rich conversations that I’ve had with anyone. Knowledge and intelligence doesn’t come from going to college… real learning happens outside of a classroom. Common sense is key, book smarts a major plus ;).

“You can find him sitting on your door step. Waiting for the surprise. And it will feel like he’s been there for hours. And you can tell that he’ll be there for life”.

 I want this man to be my asphalt. The ground I tread upon daily, consistently; without fail knowing that he will never be far from me or make my steps unsure. He like the Post, always on my stoop when I wake up in the morning. I could time my life by his regularity. In return I’ll be the fresh-cut concrete in which he’s imprinted his fingertips, signed his name and dated for all eternity.

“Daydreamer with eyes that make you melt, he lends his coat for shelter plus he’s there for you. When he shouldn’t be. But he stays all the same, waits for you then sees you through”

Life with me will never have a dull moment. I’m forever getting myself into little messes and finding myself shrouded in cloudy skies. Can he hang with that? Does he have enough strength and faith to deal with me when I push him away. I push everyone away while simultaneous clutching them for dear life. That whole fear of abandonment thing entraps me in this constant whirlwind of growing close to others and then trying not to be close at all. In essence, it takes a long time for me to really open up; the representative to be chained in the background until it withers from disuse. And the fights… we will fight and I seriously look forward to it because I hate rose-colored relationships where the water is always warm and the weather is always fine. I’m as stubborn as a snapping turtle and I think I’m right most of the time. And I plan just like a good debate… Can you stand up to me? In the tone of Sheriff Troy: “Sheila, I DO NOT Want my BUSINESS in the streets”…. *shivers* [ready to be submissive lol].

“There’s no way I could describe him, what I say is just what I’m hoping for”

I haven’t felt that bitter-sweet ease when I think of (my) future relationships; that calm collection that he’s out there. But I will keep an open mind.

“But I will find him sitting on my doorstep, waiting for a surprise. It will feel like he’s been there for hours. And I can tell that he’ll be there for life. And I tell he’ll be there for life.”

And when he shows up, I’ll be ready and waiting, and just what he needs.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. A la Mode
    Sep 14, 2010 @ 19:26:46

    You decided on LovaBee!!!! Now we have a full set!!!!

    And I want a man like my Daddy, too. Just maybe a little less socially awkward, lol. And I feel you on Sheriff Troy!!!! Yes!!

    Love you!!!

    Reply

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