Out Tonight

Let’s go out tonight; I have to go out tonight; You wanna play? Let’s run away. We won’t be back before it’s New Year’s Day. Take me out tonight, meow… So let’s find a bar; So dark we forget who we are; Where all the scars; From the nevers and maybes die. Let’s go out tonight; I have to go out tonight; You’re sweet, wanna hit the street? Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat? Just take me out tonight. Please take me out tonight. Don’t forsake me, out tonight. I’ll let you make me out tonight. Tonight, tonight, tonight.” Mimi (Rent)

 I have a serious itch… a bug crawling on the inside of my skin that’s tingling like a sleeping foot. M is back… yea it was such a surprise when I got the call. So of course I spill the beans to my homegirl in the office… Ms. N doesn’t think he’s cute though. It’s always like that…

He’s tres adorable! But of course I would think so… (hello did you read Freak?). Same great smile, nice personality, laughs at my corny-ness… YUM! Even better, he’s not interested in me in the least.  Yep, I’m not even the stage director in his X-rated fantasy.

Notice a trend? I’m the deaf/mute supporting actress in my own autobiographical movie. #fail#

But there was a glimmer of hope when I IM’d him last week.I thought maybe, for once, the jock would like the nerd and not just the head cheerleader. Of course that’s just delusions of grandeur. He did agree to play on my softball team should we ever need guys (which we always do). And I agreed to play on his soccer team should he ever need me (which I hope he does).

Truth? It’s not even M or IT or Random Man X… It’s about wanting to get out. It’s about having FB envy. It’s about experiencing a 1/4 life crisis before I’ve reached a quarter of my life! I feel like I’m breathing but not living; the days and nights of my life cleave in a way that even the pattern is mundane. The more outlandish and interesting that I try to be, the more banal my life becomes. At the naive age of 22, I feel like a middle-aged woman; with the gray hair to prove it (well before the ginger stage).

A dew drop on a leaf in the middle of the forest is more riveting the mere mention of my existence. This sedate state of being is fine for retirement, but in terms of a healthy, vivacious, attractive, youthful, young maiden: compares to receiving squirrel poo when asking for orange juice.

This kitty is too wild to be caged, so just take me out tonight and let me wail at the moon. Bank that I can be unforgettable.

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