Good Morning Heartache

“Good morning heartache, Thought we said goodbye last night. I turned and tossed ’til it seemed you had gone, But here you are with the dawn… Stop haunting me now. Can’t shake you nohow. Just leave me alone. I’ve got those Monday blues, Straight through Sunday blue… Might as well get used to you hanging around. Good morning heartache.” (Jill Scott rendition)

I have been having the weirdest dreams. One where someone attacks me while I’m in the shower and leaves me for dead, then my cat eats my face because I stopped feeding him (way too much SVU clearly). Another where I’m walking in a forest as little gnomes poke me with sticks. More often I’m a member on a Jersey Shore/Real Word-esq show: I’m the loud member who antagonizes the drama, initiates the fights, and indiscriminately passes around my body.

It must be the rain. A2 and I would always compare the drastic affects the weather (particularly rain) has on a person’s psyche. I was completely unprepared for this disconsolate self that has appeared with the transition to fall. What do I have to look forward to? Halloween? I dress up in costume everyday so there’s no solace there. Thanksgiving? Well I’m not going home since I’m saving up the money to go home for Christmas. Besides that holiday is about eating… if I eat anymore the food baby that incessantly dwells in my belly will revolt by violently tearing out my intestines and carving an escape tunnel to freedom. Then there’s Christmas, might as well call it the week that drama met Redbull. When we all get together it’s never easy, breezy, or beautiful… thanks for the myth Hallmark!

In an effort to be unconventional, I asked my older male cousin if he wanted to spend Thanksgiving Holiday together. Maybe travel somewhere like Canada or something and try to get to know one another as adults. Not surprisingly I haven’t heard back from his text. So I also asked a lonesome dove if holiday travel piqued her interest. We shall see.

In other news, Mr. IT is dating. Yep some guyanian-raised Indian who lives in MN. Happy, Happy; Joy, Joy (no seriously I’m delirious with gaiety). I’m also hosting a dinner party at my house this Saturday. Might be good, might not. I formally invited 19 people on Sunday and only 5 people have replied. Clearly, people have plans. But at least respond. I’m a planner… I need notice, organization, an agenda.

More importantly, I’m over the soldier. Not really… but I’ve realized the absurdity of this attraction. Surprised? In the past year I think that makes the total to 5 guys that I’ve coveted in one year and not one of them has returned the sentiment. I wouldn’t even be on the bench if I were a major league baseball player… I’d probably be in the hospital with a concussion if I played for the NFL because I’ve literally allowed the linebacker to trundle me at full force.

Welcome to my world. I should start an addicts anonymous group for nympholeptics. I think it’s a disease to enjoy being rejected at every turn. Even more, this opprobrious conduct rebarbarates the exact consideration for which I’m vying. If the antibiotics include strong self value, confidence, and acknowledgement of self worth: why is the relaspse ten times stronger than the initial diagnosis?

M0re to the point, when I reach a sudden low in life, why am I also the problem? I wish I had a deflecting personality; instead of internalizing the problem as serious character flaws.

The dinner party was a smashing success, followed by a harrowing clean-up. I’m eternally grateful to my sous-chef for putting up with my anal, perfectionist attitude and my ADD. But I think good times were had all around. The piece de resistance were the caramel apple cupcakes… very delicious!

The funniest part of the dinner party had to be the intermingling of the races. I’m not one to only have friends of one race. As dearly and elevated as the word ‘friend’ is to me, I still have a wide variety of people with whom I acquaint myself. One of my friends, got a little sloshed from the lack of food and the abundance of wine in her system. Awkwardly while we played “The Game of Things”, I mentioned joking “oh you like colored pens” (lol). My friend: “colored pens and colored people… hahaha” #fail#. [Long Pause] Me:” ok so how do we play the game?”

Another moment when A said aloud “Oh the reception was great, but there were a bunch of old white people there”. Mind you, I don’t know J very well and she brings another girl C. So here there are two random Becky’s in my house as I expand my social network, and I have a group of my vocal, pro-black friends over. And of course J & C come over on time and leave early… which is something I didn’t take into consideration when I invited them. We all know how the race does, you get there when you arrive lol. It was such an interesting night.

*Something exciting*: I’m getting an iphone! Yep, sometime soon. Like when I start my second job lol. But I promise that I when I get the greatest phone ever, I’ll start a Twitter account. So follow me, oh my 3 faithful readers!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

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    Oct 05, 2010 @ 23:56:39

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