Fool That I Am

” And oh, yeah, yeah, fool that I am. For hoping, oh, you’d understand. And thinking that you would listen too. And oh, the things, the things I had planned… And oh, fool that I am. Oh, but I still care. Fool that I am.” Etta James

I’m definitely not at an age where I want to be married or even considering marriage and that responsibility, but it’s crazy to think of that in my adjacent future. Especially with the state of marriage and relationships being what they are: divorce rate at 50% (even higher for black marriages), 42% of black women never get married, (in 2002) 11% of the black male population was in prison (ages 25-29).

Of all the statistics… the black males in prison is the most startling. Considering that black people make up 13% of the population (Hispanics at 15%, whites at 70%): how the crap is a black woman supposed to marry a black male? Especially when all the black males of marriageable age are either in prison (11%!), unemployed (maybe b/c they just got out of prison!?), or leg-shackled with a few kids already.

With the statistics the way they are it’s no wonder that 42% of black women do not get married. *sigh* and these are outdated statistics!

So is it surprising that unmarried black woman have children out-of-wedlock?  With prospects this bleak, I’m astounded that more of us aren’t nuns…if only the Catholic Church embraced us with open arms…

Well Essence.com reported on a new campaign called: No Wedding, No Womb to educate and encourage black women to wait for marriage.

“No Wedding, No Womb from Essence.com: http://www.essence.com/relationships/hot_topics_5/join_our_live_chat_no_wedding_no_womb.php 

Blogger Christelyn Karazin sparked controversy on the blogosphere last month when she organized the online campaign, “No Wedding, No Womb,” to address the fact that 72 percent of Black children are born out of out of wedlock. According to Karazin, too many sisters are raising children alone, and too many Black men are not stepping up to accept the responsibility of fatherhood.
 
 I can understand the sentiment of black men not stepping up. I’ve dealt with that a lot in my family. But at the same time we live in a society that prides itself on selfishness and self-consideration. So what’s the incentive for a black man to be a father, especially if he never had a father figure himself? Or is it just as BB King croons: once the “thrill is gone” it’s time to leave?
 
And why is a woman running this campaign… Where are you Steve Harvey?
 
Is it because we lay down and spread our honey thighs in hopes to ensnare you in our wedlock web? Or are we fighting that age-old battle between in need and in love?
 
And here starts my blue spectrum theory: “Love” is now varying degrees of blue that span Damn-near-white = Loneliness, and Blue Black= Lust. The object is to reach perfect blue.
In life we are always sliding back and forth along this spectrum of lust and loneliness until we reach a point where the need to be physically satisfied and the need for companionship incites us to find “Love”.  These emotional needs become so overwhelming that we immediately look for someone to meet those needs and thus ‘fall in love’ with that person.
 
When we reach the peak of both of those needs… relationship ennui kicks in and our attention deviates to distractions outside of the couple. And so the cycle continues.
 
What people fail to mention that while navigating the nautical channel of “love” we inevitably hurt the other party in the process: leaving them with added responsibility (children/stds/HIV),  an addled mental state (hurt, confusion, grief, anger), and irreproachable tension (despondency, indifference, amour). And then as we send a lukewarm push to our future “hero”, we desperately cling to the hopes that they will come to “heal” all the pains of relationships past.
 
Wake up Scrooge! There are no ghosts haunting you and the potential to change bad habits dwell within.
 
 “Fool that I Am” I still believe in the perfect blue… in theory. In practice however, I realize my barometer reads “blue-black” pretty much all the time… How else do you explain my horrible taste in men?
 
So as God asks all daughters of Jerusalem: ” I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake [my] love, till he please.” Songs 2:7
 
I wish my head would listen…
 
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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. A la Mode
    Nov 18, 2010 @ 23:19:43

    Oh Les, you sound so pessimistic about being blue. You know I agree with you, per our previous convo, about some people just not wanting to be blue black or white. I know you want to be blue (and I do too:)!), but I feel that if you have this taste in your mouth about what it is to be perfect blue, that when you do actually find it, you are going to think its a trick. That your mind, body and soul are just struggling to stay away from the extremes. I worry about that for me too. What flaws in someone/problems are we willing to deal with because we want to be perfect blue or because we are perfect blue? The list of these kind of questions could go on. I want you to know I’ve been thinking about this a lot since you told me about your spectrum theory. I think we’re on the right track in wanting to have a long relationship before jumping into marriage, but I also think we aren’t really going to know the difference between perfect blue and white masquerading as perfect blue until we are actually in the moment. Now to just get there…

    Reply

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