Ready for love

“If you give me half a chance I’ll prove this to you I will be patient, kind, faithful and true To a man who loves music, A man who loves art, Respects the spirit world, And thinks with his heart. I am ready for love.” India Aire

With the recent news of Kim K filing divorce papers against her 72 day young husband Kris Humphries, the media is in an uproar. From the shock by her fans and supporters to the naysayers who called this marriage a sham, there’s a multitude of bandwagons on which you can jump to ride out the latest Kardashian wave.

I don’t know if I was surprised by the separation, or as social media would claim, the latest money- making ploy; but I do pity Kim K and the additional tarnish to her reputation. What did set my rocker into motion was the nastiness spewing all over the internet streams. *shrugs* I could chalk this up to being a celebrity, but she’s a person too.

Most importantly I think this current development brings up 3 vital points about today’s society.

How Soon is Too Soon?

I don’t know if Kim really loved Reggie Bush, or saw herself as a permanent fixture in his life, but after breaking up with him she went through a slew of men. Pick up any gossip magazine and you’ll see Kim’s face plastered next to another unknown man, with everyone hungry to know who she’s going to hook up with next. And she feeds into that, leaving a trail of broken hearts in the wake of her heart break.

It makes me wonder if she should have stayed single after Reggie. I really think she had some deep feelings for that boy. She was with him for a long time, and not just in terms of Hollywood standards. Hurt people hurt people, and they also want that elusive dream of “ever-after” that was stolen at the end of a relationship. So she finds this new man who worships the icon who is Kim Kardashian during the day, but you also have to wake up to the person who’s just Kim in the morning.

“Every man I knew went to bed with Gilda… and woke up with me” Rita Hayworth

Maybe it’s a failure, maybe they will reconcile, maybe it was a sham but it doesn’t mean that Kim wasn’t trying to finally grasp that fairy tale ending she’s been dreaming about since she was a kid.

Do We Value Other’s Relationships?

From the beginning there’s been a lack of support for Kim & Kris, aside for the support for them to fail. I didn’t really watch Keeping up with the Kardashians, but I remember one highlight where Khloe had pictures of Reggie and Kim up in her house. Kim walks up and says something along the lines that she’s not with Reggie anymore, she’s with Kris and she wants her family to be supportive.

Transitioning from one relationship to another is crucially hard. Especially if your family liked your ex, or liked the way you were with your ex. It’s difficult enough for you to rationalize the end of a relationship, let alone explain the breakup to everyone in your circle; for a celebrity that’s everyone in the entire world who wants to know why you and S/O-past didn’t work out.

Even worse when you want to move on, but people still hold on to that past relationship in hopes of reconciliation. First you have to put back together the pieces of your life, patch up the whole that this lost love left when he departed; now you also have to spoon feed the same elevator-pitch story to your entire network so that they will move on with you. That’s a lot of work. Makes you not want to include anyone in your love life.

It also shows you how little people value relationships outside of their own amorous encounters. We have to be supportive of people’s journey: let them make their own mistakes, creating their own journal of lessons learned. You can’t live someone’s life for them, but you can ease the transition by moving with their current instead of against it.

Then again, no one believed that the marriage was going to work, so maybe they were trying to ward off the potential divorce proceedings, even with a pre-nuptial agreement. This brings me to my last point.

Are We Desensitized to Marriage?

Not sure about you, but I don’t hold marriage in high regard. I’d rather be someone’s long term girlfriend than their wife. It just seems to confining, like dried cement. Don’t get me wrong, I know married people, I’m supportive of their marriage. I pray that they can make it work where others have failed. But I’m not a place in my life to make those ‘forever’ decisions.

I know I’m not alone in this opinion, whether you’re jaded, hopeless, or a pessimist, it just seems like marriages don’t work in America. If I try very hard I can name maybe 5 people who have been married more than 5 years and are still happy together. More obviously, divorce seems to be the steadfast monument on most married member’s tables; the back-pocket card that allows them the save-face when things go wrong. Didn’t you hear the statistic? 50% of marriages end in divorce. I wonder if Kim K’s marriage tops it to 51%

More importantly, with women waiting longer to marry (and often settling), it seems that we make marriage out to be this perennial goal on our life checklist. We make the wedding to be the show-stopping, grandiose affair which exhausts all of our energy and our finance, yet the necessary motivation to make it last after the ‘I Do’s’ is missing. Do we even know what it means to be married anymore?

Overall, I just want to give Kim K a hug and ask the media’s vultures to be kind. It’s not easy to have your life smeared over every avenue. It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

Readers: What do you think? Does Kim K deserve this backlash? Should she have married Kris Humphries? Do you feel sorry for anyone in this scenario? Are we desensitized to love, relationships, marriage? What advice to you have for the young romantics out there?

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. De
    Nov 02, 2011 @ 23:40:10

    I’m not sure anyone “deserves” the stuff they receive from the media. I wasn’t surprised to hear it didn’t last, but I wasn’t following them or the “story” very much. I agree with you that maybe this was a huge blow to her (or him) especially if they both, or even one of them, went into it hoping or thinking it would last. I feel sorry for both of them..whether it was a publicity stunt or not. If it wasn’t, then one or both of them genuinely had their hearts broken. If it was, then it seems they don’t understand what marriage or love or relationships is really about. I’m willing to bet that at least some of the people who are upset about it are upset because they want a fairy tale wedding (whatever that means to them) and they can’t have it for whatever reason, but she could have it so easily and then, seemingly, end it/give it up after 72 days. Not that that makes it ok for them to hound her or Chris. I’m a hopeful romantic that, at times, has hopeless tendencies. I do think we are a bit desensitized to those things, which I also think is due in part to our individualistic nature. Plus, like the numbers say, the whole 50% of marriages end in divorce thing isn’t encouraging. When I was in middle school, all of my friends parents were divorced. ALL of them. Mine were too and I decided, at that time, that I didn’t want to get married. My parents divorce wasn’t hard on me, but I felt it was unnecessary and I didn’t want to have kids and have them go through it. As I got older that changed and now I am looking forward to marriage. It isn’t my number one goal or anything, but it is something I think about fairly often and something I desire. I’m extremely cautious by nature though and that, along with other things, sometimes cause me to wonder if it will ever happen for me. I don’t need a grand love story, I figure if it involves me and my ‘him’, that’s grand enough for me. But other factors go into play also that sometimes make me wonder if it will happen, but at the end of the day, I trust God that it will, I just wonder when lol Since I’m cautious, I tend to be paranoid and not trust men much in some aspects (probably some hidden issues there I should explore), but I think for men and women, people should be cautious. I’m not saying, necessarily, to not put yourself out there, but sometimes people are in a rush to do everything and realize “too late” that it isn’t going to work out. Or, like you said, maybe they needed to be single after coming out of a relationship. Making sure you agree, either in whole or at least mostly, on the important things. Taking the time to get to know someone and them taking the time to get to know you. That seems to be a lost art. Even asking someone for their number or telling them you are interested is now more of a hunt for meat (for men and woman) than a dance. Commercial instead of original. Pick up lines instead of sincerity. Idk. Since I’m a romantic, Idk what is/what isn’t or what should be/what shouldn’t lol But..yea..I’m gonna stop now lol

    Reply

  2. De
    Nov 02, 2011 @ 23:41:10

    oops, *Kris. spelled the man’s name wrong. my bad, Kris.

    Reply

  3. A La Mode
    Nov 03, 2011 @ 02:13:19

    I don’t necessarily think people are desensitized to love and relationships, but I think because divorce isn’t nearly as taboo as it used to be (although I still think it certainly still carries a lot of negative stigma), people see it as much more of an option when they get married. I think a big part of it is wanting to love, be loved, and be in a relationship that causes people to settle or get into relationships that may not be right for them (Per your theory on being blue, lol). But maybe there are a lot of misunderstandings and misconceptions about what marriage is supposed to be, as well. After reading about Kim K and Kris, I saw another article on Yahoo that listed 20(?) celebrity relationships that were short lived. There was one on there that was 9 days! And of course Britney and her 55 hour husband were there too. It shocks and saddens me. It makes me wonder what was going through people’s mind when they got married and during the short time after. Can you imagine getting married and then a few days later thinking, “Oh crap!! What have I gotten myself into?”. The thought actually terrifies me.

    I also think marriage is what you make of it. I wholeheartedly believe in marriage. I have a few friends that constantly say they will never get married because of its origins of women as property and ask why I would want to be someone’s property. But for me, marriage has taken on a completely different meaning. Maybe its because my parents are still happily married, and I know a lot of older couples who have been married for decades that I still believe that can happen. Knowing all of the people I know who are divorced or in unhappy marriages, will make me more cautious (when the time and man come along) about making that commitment, and making sure, as much as I can, that the person is right for me and is in it for the long haul. I think that even with the 50% divorce rate, it doesn’t have to be a death sentence for marriage. I try to use my experiences and encounters with all relationships that have ended (mine, friends, family) as cautionary tales for the next time. When they time comes, I hope that I remember to use those experiences wisely, and that people will call me on it when I don’t, lol!

    Reply

  4. De
    Nov 03, 2011 @ 09:31:49

    well said, A la mode =)

    Reply

  5. Candi
    Nov 03, 2011 @ 12:30:11

    Hi, first I’ll pay respects by saying, I love your writing.
    THEN…
    I want to give this one a whirl, lol. Not focusing so much on Kim, but people in general, I feel most have lost the real sight of “love” and what “true love” entails. I believe that this generation holds marriage in their view as the next best thing to living among the rich and the famous. Everybody is so ready to endure the luxuries of the ceremony however the commitment to the vows remain of the lesser importance and value. I believe that television has corrupt the personable intimate details within a couples bond. It’s all abbout how extravagant you can make and emotion “look”. “Real” love has never been about money or a show. I’m a strong believer that the “outsides” of anything could never overpower the “insides” of it. Only to the people outside, looking in. I envy “ol skool love”! There was struggle and embrace to the commitment as a whole. Even through infidelity and/or abuse, the vows that were recited held meaning like shackles. Regardless of the hurt and pain, no money, the struggle, the kids… I know that I’m wrong but my love for you can’t be broken. (and I’m referring to my grandparents)

    On another note….
    “Every man I knew went to bed with Gilda… and woke up with me” Rita Hayworth”
    I think Kim is confused and lost. She has always been looked at as the “girl who has everything”. She has been outshining her sisters for years. And here they are with families of their own and what is she left with? Her career, good looks and a “Goddess” body. Papparazzi’s jobs are to pass judgment on those with money because with all the riches, they should have it together, right? She’s just another person that bleeds the same way all women do. Most women have gone through a phase where what looks to be love leads you straight into a wall. She needs reflexion time. This ends in tragedy because you can’t have it all. That’s what happens when you become greedy. There are no magic spells for love, it has to be from within (at least thats what all the cartoon fairytales say 😉 .

    Reply

    • Candi
      Nov 03, 2011 @ 12:38:14

      sorry about the misspells. LOL!! I’m on the clock

      Reply

    • justlissen
      Nov 03, 2011 @ 13:20:13

      Thanks so much for your comments! Thank you even more for reading!

      I liked this: “I believe that television has corrupt the personable intimate details within a couples bond”
      I have to admit I’m a fan of 4 Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas for their entertainment factor, but it does destroy the notion that marriage is forever and makes it more that the wedding is the memory to cherish. No plan beyond that.
      Candi, you agree with me to take up the charge, each one teach one, about the values of lasting relationships? 🙂

      Reply

      • Candi
        Nov 04, 2011 @ 08:27:45

        YES!!! I love them all, so much that I get so caught up in the ceremonies that I have even shed a couple tears (no one was watching 😉 lol). I love the entertainment, too, while gaining new ideas for my imaginary wedding sat aside back in my subconscious…. smh. But even on television, I can see past the glitz and glam that they make it out to be and “sometimes” understand why someone would put so much effort into this event (that’s IF the love is real), however what happens when the “priceless” can’t be displayed due to the lack of funds? At the end of the day, nothing matters but the invisible strengths of the tied knot that ONLY the 2 of you know is there.

        I have to say, I am with you on that one, hun!! People get so caught up with life, in general, they forget about the “hit” of euphoria and when and where it first began. You can only share so much with one person. eew, the thoughts of it just give me chills. Love’s fascination!! Anything that is untouchable is of great value to me. I can admit I haven’t reached my own understanding as to why I want to be “married” but I have learned that being in love with one can really take your soul for hostage. I think it’s a great crime to commit.

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