Diggin’ on you

“Diggin’ the scene, Diggin’ on you, Diggin’ on me, Baby baby ooo Baby baby ooo, It’s on like that, It’s on like that, I gotta be in love or something like that” TLC

I don’t know what it is about first encounters leading up to first dates, but they always remind me of 90’s R&B. So of course when I spotted this fine young specimen at the bar, the first thing I heard ”I was like deep in a cool…” maybe it’s just me, but a black man in yellow is guaranteed to catch my eye. It’s the perfect color.  And meeting CD was the perfect level of corny and cute to garner interest. He was nice, kept me laughing (on purpose and by accident), and definitely peacocked in swagger. As the conversation wound down, I was left hoping for more. Like a true Southern gentleman he didn’t disappoint. He politely asked for my number, wanting to genuinely get to know me while he was in town that weekend. Coyly, I gave him the digits peep the 90’s lingo), and moved on to the next venue for the evening.

I was pleasantly surprised to see and unknown 678# flash across my screen that same night. I love it when it’s easy; when for lack of sufficient time, we cut through the games and try to simply get to know each other.

Texting back and forth, I decided to go for the gold by asking him to get dinner and then drinks Saturday night. I had to pat myself on the back for that one. I knew either way that I was going to go out that night, but I had hoped it would be with him. I prepped in all the right ways… long shower, pressed hair, carefully applied makeup, fresh nail color, nice outfit, great accessories, perfect scent. I had waited for him to say, oh I’d like to see you tonight, but hey this is 2011, why not ask him… right?

I pick him up at his hotel. We go get dinner, and he paid. Now, this is where things are tricky. From the moment I picked him up there was no va-va-voom, you know? He didn’t say you look nice, he did say it was nice to see you. But we were chumming it up like pals. So I did the pal like thing and offered to pay for myself. That definitely caught him off guard.

Dinner was nice. Good conversation. He’s definitely my type: smart, but humble; ambitious, but still discovering himself; between the ages of 28-32 so definitely settled; and very gentlemanly (held the door, pulled out my chair, waited for both entrees to arrive before eating, listened and was engaging). Those aren’t mandatory qualities, but after living in DC for 8 years, it’s definitely refreshing to see.

After dinner, I suggested another place for drinks. With him being a tourist, so to speak, I wanted to show him the best of the city. And he wanted to walk instead of drive to the bar, which was nice. The thing about DC, all the great places are spread out, so you have to be willing to travel to find them. We walked over a mile, with amazing rapour, both simply comfortable in each other’s presence. Definitely moved from first date talk to second date talk, transitioning between growing up, going to school, work, family, first loves, past loves, next steps, likes/dislikes, hopes, dreams, future goals. This continued for 3 hours at the bar. Maybe it’s just me, but when I spend that much time in a man’s presence it’s because I like him. And I want to experience his warmth… now get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about his arm around me, his scent near me, his hand holding mine.

We leave Marvin’s only to head to Republic for dancing. By then it’s after 11. We met up at 7. We stayed close, experiencing each other’s heat until about 1:30. Then we made the long trek back to my car.

Here’s where I get confused. We walk back, still talking, even easier now that there’s liquor in our system. He opens my car door, tells me he had a good time. We stop to get him pizza, and then I drop him off at the hotel. That’s it.

I can’t lie and say that I didn’t expect a little more. Maybe some high school necking in front of the hotel, but hey all things happen for a reason.

I was even more surprised to see him text me on Sunday. And continue texting me throughout the day. But after that? No follow through. He didn’t text me to tell me he was home safely. I was the last text, so I couldn’t text again. By the time Wednesday rolled around when it was ‘safe’ enough to talk to him without seeming pressed, I had lost interest.

All in all, a good first date and a great experience. But I don’t wanna be the one making all the moves! So next time, what should I do?

Readers: What’s proper dating etiquette in this situation? Should I have contacted him? Was I right to let it go? How do you show interest without being… pressed?


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Up4Dsn
    Nov 25, 2011 @ 20:59:34

    That’s an interesting situation, but I believe you already answered your own questions. You said you lost interest. Therefore, it doesn’t make much sense to pursue him any further. If you were still into him I would say go for it. Reach out and see how he responds back.

    I’ve come to realize in situations such as this it’s best if we only focus on our actions. We can’t control how the other person feels or what they do. If you’re feelin someone and you want to see where it goes…pursue them. Sometimes we have to put ourselves out there to get what we want…or so I’ve been told.


    • justlissen
      Nov 26, 2011 @ 15:37:31

      I think I lost interest because I didn’t want to “chase” him, you know?
      This was months ago, so now the moment’s gone lol. But it was an interesting experience.


  2. Candi
    Nov 28, 2011 @ 08:16:12

    I agree with Up4Dsn!! When things, such as a date, falls into place and everything is harmonizing, then usually the homework afterwards should harmonize too. No doubt that it wasn’t a real connection but I feel that everything should have still been flowing in the aftermath. And in my little “code book”, I think you did magnificent with initiating the date…. BUT according to “the book”, it was time for him to put in some work.

    My opinion, I think you were right to let it go. I would feel rather awkward sending the last text and then being the first to send the next text. Now… to show interest without being pressed?… I always feel a sense if “desperate” if I initiate any type of text convo, phone call or anything after we have already been on a date and I haven’t heard back from him. But that’s just me… think it has something to do with pride, lol! I would have done the same exact thing that you did and let it go. I lose sight of a future when there’s a lack of effort from the other party.


  3. Shibby23
    Dec 02, 2011 @ 17:24:20

    Only put in as much effort as someone give back to you. You were right to let it go.


  4. Mr. SD
    Dec 23, 2011 @ 16:19:22

    smart move Just, if that boi wanted you badly enough he would have chased you down big time..you did right by keeping it movin


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