Dont Kiss Me

But don’t kiss me, no, no, no, don’t you kiss me, Unless those lips that you kiss me with, Will say I love you, love you for life! And don’t touch me, no, no, don’t you touch me (you betta not do it baby), Unless you promise that those hands, Will never wave goodbye!, Can you do that for me baby?

Breaking up is hard to do, but jumping back in the dating game is even harder. I struggle with this desire to meet new people and wanting to mourn the lack of love from someone I can’t forget. I’ve waited an appropriate 6months, casually dating when opportunities arose, but not actively searching or pursuing anything.

I respect those people who can fall and get back up immediately, but I’m more the type that needs to analyze the fall: trying to recapture the exact moment I landed into dangerous territory. Only then can I acknowledge the fall for what it was and decipher the lesson from its occurrence. When you reach a place where the good of the relationship outweighs the way it ended, you are ready to move on. The now problem is the fear of falling again in the future.

To ease my way back into dating, I created an online profile on OKCupid! since I have two friends who’ve had some success on the site. Despite what I’ve read about online dating from fellow blogger Jimmy I’m finding this experience to be more comical than serious.

At first I was really overwhelmed by how many views my page received. I almost shut down the account when I logged back in to 10 new messages. But I’m not a quitter… I just need to learn how to play the game.

You start off with your standard fare in messages received. “Nice pics” Delete . “Hello Gorgeous” De-Lete. “Hey why haven’t you responded to my message, I’ve been trying to get at you for a while. Holla at cha boi” delete, delete, delete. “I don’t mean to be rude but would you be interested in casual s3x sometime?” DELETE!

I wasn’t fairing much better on my end. Balancing the elements of wit and coquette are hard online. Going through profiles I feel like I’m jean shopping when I’m bloated, inside of hectic Ross store, on sale day. After an hour of scouring the racks and fighting over slim pickings, you find a pair that you think just might fit. You go to the dressing room, try them on, and they make your love handles stick out. Or they fit great, they seem soooo nice, and you realize the jeans are irregular- a factory error: a capri leg on one side, a bootcut on the other.

I don’t know if there a just a bunch of wack-a-doos out there or if men don’t know how to date anymore, but the stuff they put on their profile? Lord Almighty.

This one guy wrote: “Have you ever lusted after a woman? If you have then you’ve sinned against God. I ask you dear brethren to repent and come back to God… (scripture, scripture, fire, brimstone) … “Now that I’ve said that you should know who I am” Really? Really? I know that you scare the living daylights out of me. That’s your introduction?

Another: “BLACK WOMEN I LOVE YOU BUT IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR STUFF TOGETHER, I WILL GO TO ANOTHER ETHNICITY TO TEACH YOU”. First of all, why is your profile in all caps? Second, why are you berating an entire race of women in your first paragraph?

And yet another: “I spend a lot of time with my dog. She knows what it means to ‘kiss’, ‘cuddle’, and ‘bedtime’. She’s the perfect woman “. I’m sorry sir; did you just introduce bestiality into the mix? Are you telling me that your ideal mate is a four-legged mutt with potential for fleas?

Recently I’ve held steady correspondence with two guys. The first, E, seems like a stalker. There are little red flags… “How busy are you?” “My favorite thing to do is spend the day at Barnes & Noble” and every message “How was your day yesterday?”… I don’t know it freaks me out. Sorry E, NEXT!

The second guy had such an intense profile, but it was funny. But after 11 messages, I’m over it. Especially when you don’t always answer my questions… it bothers me.

I give myself two more weeks then I’m over it. I have the patience of an infant.

Readers: Have you ever tried online dating? What were your experiences? I’m lucky not to have any horror stories, but feel free to share in the comments box. What are your dos and don’ts of dating? If you had an online profile, how would you introduce yourself?

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Shibby23
    Feb 21, 2012 @ 16:35:09

    Haha, this was funny. I have never tried online dating because I have never wanted to deal with the crazies! Good luck I am rooting for you. I have friends that have tried it and met their husbands (not that you need to get married :-))

    Reply

  2. Theresa
    Mar 05, 2012 @ 14:39:18

    I have tried online dating. I must say that it was not a good experience. Lot of guys who say one thing but mean another. No one knows how to court or flirt anymore! Been about 7 months since i been on. Don’t plan to return anytime soon. But Ihave heard good stories also.

    Reply

  3. Trackback: 24 Hours Ago « The Soundtrack of My Life

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