How can you mend a broken heart?

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees. And misty memories of days gone by, I can never see tomorrow, I was told about the sorrow. How can you mend a broken heart?

I love how movies end; I hate how real life starts.

You think life starts when you’re born, thrust from a darkened womb to a lighted day. You never think that life starts after a man you can’t forget tells you he’ll never love you; and a brother who acted as a shield dies on your way home from work.

You realize that until the tragedy overwhelming your existence, you’ve been living in an incubator: safe from the world’s misfortunes. Now you’re left wondering why life can’t be like a movie. Where is my happy ending?

Sometimes I feel like there’s not enough air. I’m gulp, gulp, gulping to try and soak up oxygen while still left gasping for breath. I wish I was stronger. I wish life didn’t break me down and hollow me out. I wish I could feel the sunshine in my snowstorm.

I just want to know when my heart will heal. I want to know when I will stop seeing his face, hearing his voice. I want my memories not to remind me of someone who doesn’t want me.

I want my brother back. I want the world to revolve around the sun again. Every galaxy in orbit has ceased spinning.

My birthday is coming up and I’m ambushed by the pending day on the calendar. My brother isn’t here to call me. That’s all I can think about. That I won’t hear his congratulations. I don’t want to celebrate. I don’t feel joyful.

My life is a vacuum of bad decisions, in every corner hopelessly confronted by many mistakes: defeated. Some days, most days, I don’t even want to wake up.

I have to remind myself I’m not a little girl anymore. I can’t run away from my problems. The world won’t stop because my heart is broken. It is my choices that led me to this mess, it’s up to me to be responsible and mend the pieces.

I’m tired. Everything in me hurts. It’s so hard to maintain a smile. Weighed down, my laughter sounds forced. Overburdened, my shoulders sorrowfully sag.

How do I again find happiness?

How do I move forward?

This not the forecasted year, the day by day struggle is real.

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