I’ve got a crush on you

“I’ve got a crush on you, sweetie pie. All the day and nighttime, hear me sigh. I never had the least notion. That I could fall with so much emotion.”- Stacey Kent version

There’s no better feeling than the moments you crush on a boy. From the introduction when you realize his attractiveness, when you want to see if his lips are as soft as they seem, when you press record on the mental chronicle of everything he says.

From the first touch, when you feel that little spark—fictional, imaginary it doesn’t matter, when you smile at him broadly—not in that carefully constructed seductive style that you practice in the mirror, when you move closer and get that first whiff noting the package is complete.

From the prolonged conversation, when he makes you laugh, when you reach out—reach over—make the effort to touch him for no apparent reason, when you are pleasantly surprised that his attractiveness spans far beyond his looks.

From the exchange, when bold glances aren’t enough, when night turns to morning and you still haven’t thought of sleep, when you want more and he’s the one to sate.

From the recanting, when you can’t hide the smile in your voice, when you shyly tell your closest confidants that you really like him, when you wonder what to do—to say—for those brief seconds to last hours.

From his first signal, when he tells you how much fun he had, when he stretches his sentences demanding acknowledgement, when you wake up to waiting *ping* on your phone, when you add witty quips and enticing winks to keep those messages coming.

From his first title as a possaboo, when he hasn’t made any mistakes, when all his words are right, when he’s never hurt your feelings or pushed you away, when he is the epitome of possibilities.

From thoughts that take over your day, when old songs take on new meanings, when you dance around your house in the intervals between his replies, when you relive the moments of the night before dissecting every gesture to make sure the awareness was mutual, when you want to plan him into your schedule—thinking about what weekends you have free, what events are upcoming that he can attend.

From the moment your heart palpitates, when you imagine that maybe he can be your best friend—the one who will know you most intimately unlike anyone else, when you just want to be near him, when you want to know more about him and you don’t want to be patient, when you bypass any doubt or hesitation and just nestle in the feeling.

Yea, I’ve got it bad. It’s been a long time, a year really, since I felt this way about anyone. And I like it. I like this unknown. For once I want to be Kit and not Vivian. I want to believe that it will work out. That I could be Cinder-F*ckin-rella.

I do a lot of stupid sh*t in my life, but I put it out there. And because of that I’m a lot closer to love every time I try, and every time I don’t give up hope after an embarrassment. That’s the goal right? To find someone for just a little while, that brings a bit of joy to your life, that lightens your load, and encourages you to be more.

So for now, I’ve got a crush. And it feels so good.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Who Will Love Me in Winter « The Soundtrack of My Life

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