Hold Me Back

Everything takes time, but this shit came fast, Niggas standin’ in line, they wanna hold me back, I multiplied my hustle, stimulated my mind, Motivated my niggas and we’ll never divide, NO! These niggas won’t hold me back, These hoes won’t hold me back.— Rick Ross

Before I’m 25…

My 25th birthday is around the corner. If you would have told me I was going to make it past 16, I never would have believed you. I normally don’t make bucket lists, because I tend to do what I want to do—graduate from college (5 year anniversary), check. Travel around the world—all the continents save 2, check. Fall in love (though I didn’t plan to fall out of love), check.

A friend told me that I fully invest with no fear. I agree. When I’m on the hunt, when I want something, when I’m in the mood to accomplish, I go. I’m focused, I’m determined.

As a child of abuse, drugs, neglect, foster homes, trauma, I realized at an early age that no one will look out for you. So look out for yourself, and look out for others along the way. That’s me. That’s what I do.

My drive is what got me through college, trust me. I’m not the smartest or the most diligent (i.e. I procrastinate). But I work hard. After college when I was able to check the box and hand my mother my diploma, I can’t lie and tell you I thought things would be different. I definitely thought employers would be hammering down my door. Clearly that wasn’t the case. So I got a little defeated and even more complacent.

But now I’m back, and before 25 I have a few goals to achieve.

1. I want to own my domain name and have business cards—my writing is my passion and I have to start taking it seriously.

2. I want 3 writing mentors: I need a critic, an encourager, and a sponsor who opens doors.

3. I want writing to be an occupation—whether it’s writing for livingsocial or a newspaper—I want to make some form of money from my writing.

4. I want to go back to school. I think I would be a great nurse. I’m caring, not squeamish, and I’m cool under pressure. So I need to have applied to nursing school by 25.

5. I want to play a more active role in my nieces and nephews lives. If you know me, then putting this at #5 and not #1 is a major for me. I feel that I am active, but I want to be present.

6. TeamBeachBody—I’ve been the same weight since high school, and rotund all my life. And though I’m comfortable, I would like everything to be tighter and more toned. Hence the reason I joined MyFitnessPal, the jogging, and the vegan lifestyle change.

7. Pursue Plus-Size Modeling—I’ll never be a single digit size but even at my current weight I’m still beautiful and very photogenic. So why not give it, a shot? It could be another added source of income or open more doors for my writing.

8. I want to write for well-known blogs—J, from Up4Discussion.org, has a vision and in a few years his blog is going to be big. In the interim I’d like to see if I could write for other publications like Essence.

9. Performing at an open mic—I’m not shy, and I don’t have stage fright. Where my trepidation lays is in being vulnerable in front of an audience. So if I perform my writing at an open mic not only will I gain more of a following (and some feedback), but I’ll also discover that just because it’s deep for me doesn’t mean it’s that deep for everyone.

10. Read my library books. I love the written word and I love the library. Where I fail is actually reading the books I check out from the library. So I end up paying massive late fees as I scramble to read through the pile I brought home. I check out books repeatedly, and still return them without reading a single page. Whether it’s making time for me or prioritizing my time, I want to develop the habit of reading what I checked out, when I check it out the first time.

A lot of these goals are things I say or think daily—but sometimes when you write it plain you make it more meaningful.

And the countdown begins…


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