Fall for your type…

You say that you’re nothing like the last [boy] I just pray that you don’t let me down right now, But it’s too late ’cause I’m already yours, You just gotta promise me hearts won’t break, And end up like before, I swear, I always fall for your type (yeah), for your type. Tell me why, I always fall for your type.—

I have a date! No, it’s just brunch…

I’m definitely attracted to charming men: those hold a great conversation; can ease the awkwardness of any situation. The(hi)m that deflects with humor. Charming men are attentive, usually because they don’t want to miss a great moment to add in a punch line. It’s not a problem being drawn to charming men. No the problem is that I think those men are charming because they like me. Instead of realizing the unique quality of their personality, I think the charm comes out when I’m around, that my presence turns on the hidden quality. As if charm lays dormant until I arrive. So not the case.

By mistaking this admirable characteristic as genuine interest I’ve scurried down the path of desire— flinging my body full force into the depth of their shallow pond. When my face lands on rocky shore, rather than drowning in the pool of mutual interest, I’m left equally bruised and embarrassed.

But I can’t let go because what if I’m misreading the signs. Are there signs? Little girl on the school yard interpreting love taps and hair pulls as indications of his inadequacy to voice his desire. And as he pounces then runs away, I take up chase pursing him, following the faint trail. Fast forward 15 years and I’m still that same girl deciphering gestures, elucidating clues; wading in muck and sifting to make it plain. The Ancient Greek of his Ares translated into modern English as I become Aphrodite, then Eve: vixen to virgin.

These are the lessons we learn on the quest for love. Notice none of our icons are successful:

E. Taylor- married 8 times, string of lovers

M. Monroe- married 3 times, string of lovers

D. Dandridge- married twice, maybe lovers

Why do we lust after them anyway?

Because a charming man will text you in the morning to wish you the best. He will check in with you to see how your day is going. He’ll flatter you with the floating notion that you are enough. He gives you three things the world does not: consideration, care, compliments.

I just want to retire my running shoes…

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