Don’t miss you at all

“As I sit and watch the snow, Fallin’ down, I don’t miss you at all, I hear children playin’ laughin’ so loud, I don’t think of your smile, So if you never come to me, You’ll stay a distant memory”—Norah Jones

I’m playing with fire: isoparrafin oils coating my hands, I’m tossing the torch with both ends lit, hand to hand combat as heat grazes my skin. But… but…but… it’s only the first level, the epidermis, being scorched, right?

I’m going to diner with A. You know A, C’s fraternal twin brother, A. Yep, A. It’s not like anything is going to happen… we will meet, share a meal, have some drinks, a few laughs, maybe he’ll pay but with my luck we’ll split the bill, Wellsfargo will weep, quick embrace church-style, an awkward goodbye. Life ambles on. My trouble always arises when I try to predict the unpredictable—i.e. the actions of others.

I don’t know why I said yes. It’s that undeniable curiosity, the potential for a great story. Kinda like why I have a one-night-stand on my bucket list because I wanna see how I will react. I’m forever interested in the aftermath vs. the actual occurrence. But then again I’m stopped by this notion that everyone has an STI. So there’s that.

I just don’t know how I feel about seeing a version of the face I slept with every night. Yea, I said it. Fight me.

I’ve come to the place where I’m indifferent to C. Though I’m drawn back to the nostalgia of the possibility that he represented, by the grace of God I realize I want better. Again, it boils down to curiosity. Why do you want to have dinner with me? Why do you want to reconnect with me? Why is that even appealing?

If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I satisfy my curiosity.

I also wonder if there will be some surprise gorilla attack where they will both show up and I’ll have to pretend there’s no elephant in the room (like that last weepy, vulnerable email that I wrote where for the first time in my life I put it all out there, laid all my shit bare, down to the white meat). *shudders*. And if that happens what the hell am I supposed to say? You know I always think I’m going to act like the leading lady in those situations but inevitably I shrink to a background extra. Speachless.

All these new developments are needed distractions to keep me from thinking about Baltimore, and how I asked him out for a second date. And how he said… no. And now I have this egg-splatter on my face, dried overnight in the elements, hard to scrape off. I’ve officially chased him.

Oh, youth! The mistakes we make, the hyperbole we tell in hindsight.

I don’t know when, I do know where. *sigh* I’ll keep you posted.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Up4Dsn
    Sep 23, 2012 @ 18:07:25

    This an interesting situation. Look forward to you sharing the outcome.

    You have a one night stand on your bucket list. That’s wild. I ain’t mad at cha. haha


  2. Tosh
    Oct 17, 2012 @ 12:51:16

    So how did it go?


    • justlissen
      Oct 17, 2012 @ 13:04:03

      That fool never responded to my last email, a month passed, then he emailed me yesterday to say let’s get food on Sunday. He got me f-d up, I’m not going.


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